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When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an  atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but  is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants  in whom you don't believe?

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a  computer. All else is art.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you  want to do.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially  dead.

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about  anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken  to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the  Universe tends towards a maximum.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and  for the same reason.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a  computer.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.